I left the mock embryo transfer in tears.
My doctor's office is in downtown DC. Nothing is private when you go to an office in downtown DC, especially if you are crying. Let's say you make it out of the office without breaking down . . . you then have to traverse seven flights by elevator where the captive audience is quietly awkward wanting to help you feel "better," the busy sidewalk full of people you pass--remember you are facing 50% of the people on the sidewalk when you walk down the street, the 4 attendants at the parking garage, and the many concerned ooggling drivers who sit beside you waiting through DC traffic just like you.
Thankfully, these were not sad/hurt/angry tears.
The mock embryo transfer is just like a real transfer of embryos . . . without the embryos. The purpose is for the doctor and staff to go through the procedure in order to target any potential problems, physically, with the actual physical transfer. For the patient, this is not unlike a woman's yearly exam with a couple more probes inserted. And, by the way, when you get to this point in the fertility process, you roll your eyes when ladies cringe at the annual exam. I so got over that discomfort like so long ago, like in the '80s but it was really like in the '90s.
This procedure is actually a comfort to me. It shows that when the real transfer comes around everyone is prepared. When going through IVF in 2006, the doctor prescribed valium because it acts as a muscle relaxant, and he prescribed it for the day of the transfer because I had a group of muscles that were really tight during the mock embryo transfer.
And so, going into the procedure today, I was EXCITED! Not nervous, not hesitant, not overly anxious--or anxious at all which is a switch for me. Even though the past year has been heavy on the medical attention visits for Erik, Everett, and me, I was okay to be at the doctor and sitting in those stirrups (I know which socks to wear and keep an extra pair in my bag for these visits).
And so, the doctor completed the mock embryo transfer. He turned to me and says,"Your uterus is perfect!"
And that was why I was crying. And, you must know that I haven't started my hormone cocktail yet.
It was so wonderful to hear such great news after so much. It was wonderful to have my feelings of peace about this process confirmed with some medical "yes." Now, this does not at all mean that I feel like I have a sixth sense that this round of IVF will work. But, I know that I am doing the right things at the right time for the right reasons for myself and my family. HAPPY, HAPPY!
And, I cried like a baby all the way home to pick up Everett. He was playing at a friend's house. You don't bring kids to a fertility clinic.
So, I made sure to appreciate the moment, pray for my cryofrozen-Han-Solo-babies-to-be, and think about what life will be like with another baby or another two babies.
The experience this morning was good because now I have to deal with unexpected and inaccurate payment and insurance CRAP! I won't go into the torrid details, but I just wish people would do their jobs and follow through on what they say they will do. Concerns about money and insurance coverage that creep up at the 11th hour WORRY me. They make me anxious, angry, and frustrated. And, sometimes I am so *ARG* that I feel like crying. But not today. Today was a "good" cry.
