Gratitude

We are grateful for our green-eyed and blue-eyed little boys. We are grateful for their quick laughter, unending desire for tickle fights and chases, and love for pasta. In our house, mac-in-cheese is known as "Dad's pasta." He gets requests for it quite often.

We are grateful for the blessings of opportunities. We are grateful for our educations and for the friends and colleagues we have made along the way. We are grateful for the freedom to study and pursue the topics of our choice. We are grateful for employment--for the resources it brings and for the benefits of hardwork.

We are grateful for God, for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and for the knowledge of the purpose of this life. We are grateful for forgiveness because, goodness knows, we aren't perfect.

We are grateful for service; it helps us forget about our petty and not so petty worries. We are grateful for prayer and inspiration; we have been amazed at how prayer and inspiration can give us the direction we need to give real aid to others. In the past six months that we have worked in helping people find work--we have been humbled to recognize connections that we wouldn't have recognized on our own.

We are grateful for supportive family. We are grateful for loving friends. We are grateful for those that listen first and delay judgement. We are grateful for the examples around us that teach us how to be better.

We are thankful for humor, chicken nuggets, good health, straws, leaf blowers, fun cards that come in the mail, Chikfila lemonade, Merritt's new grocery cart harness, our garage, cinnamon, and children's movies that are also entertaining for those over 12. We are grateful for our nightly dance parties--tonight featured Moby, Vanilla Ice, Bobby Brown, and Beastie Boys.

We are grateful to have one another.

Christmas 2009

We enjoyed a fun and peaceful Christmas this year. Last year we were in the throes of change. This year, we were surrounded by family, friends, and sweets.


As soon as I fix all of our electronic problems, we'll have pictures. Don't hold your breath.


A week ago, we had FHE with a couple of other families. Dinner was delicious, and we had a chance to reenact the birth of Christ. The host family had a box of outfits to match each of the roles from the angel, to Mary, and the shepherds. The box was a Christmas gift (complete with a camel hump for the family dog). What a great idea and we enjoyed using the outfits.


We spent the day before Christmas Eve driving around the Dallas area dropping off sweets. It started with Everett going to the door with Erik, knocking his special knock. But, pretty soon, Merritt made it known that HE wanted a turn going to the door with Dad. Pretty funny stuff as we see him assert himself at such a young age. We enjoyed seeing lights in the neighborhoods, and Merritt's response was always,"OOhhh, wwwoooowww!" as he pointed to the lights, his eyes wide. Can't get better than that!


Christmas Eve we lounged getting ready to host everyone on Christmas. We went to Grossology in a newer museum and found a version that was better for older kids. And, then it snowed and snowed and snowed.


We had a white Christmas. Good friend Connie and her friend came over on Christmas day along with Grandma, Poppa, Aunt Debbie, and Uncle Apple. It was fun to find out that our guest knew some of the people we stayed with when we were in Venezuela, like forever ago. A revisit with Ella Baila Sola. We thoroughly enjoyed the day (conquering the pumpkin shortage, rolling eyes at Sheila's failed "no fail rolls," and teaching the boys about Christmas).


Evy made name cards for the table . . . green stars with glitter. They were so cute. Sheila cooked the turkey this time, and it actually turned out great. The best sides of the meal were Poppa's cranberry salad and Aunt Debbie's Ambrosia salad.


We don't "do Santa" here . . . we talk about Baby Jesus and his birthday. We talk about the importance of Jesus Christ. We talk about showing love for others and what presents represent. Evy and Merritt enjoyed opening their gifts over the course of two days. We were all thrilled with the generosity of family and friends.


We had time to reflect on our blessings, the awesome opportunity that we have to be parents, and the incredible time we are having along our journeys.

Our Holiday Treats

Here are two of the recipes we used this holiday season . . .

Sugar n Spiced Nuts (from allrecipes.com)
3 egg whites
2 tablespoons water
3 cups walnut halves
2 cups pecan halves
1 cup whole unblanched almonds
2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons grated orange peel
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

In a mixing bowl, beat egg whites and water until frothy. Add nuts; stir gently to coat. Combine the remaining ingredients. Add to nut mixture and stir gently to coat. Spread into two greased 15-in. x 10-in. x 1-in. baking pans. Bake, uncovered, at 300 degrees F for 20-25 minutes or until lightly browned, stirring every 10 minutes. Cool. Store in an airtight container.

These smelled heavenly . . . some parts were a bit sticky after baking. I just let them set out the rest of the day and overnight. No stickiness in the morning. I only used pecans, pistachios, and almonds cause I don't like walnuts . . . but after tasting this, I do think that the walnuts would add another nice dimension.

Orange Cranberry Drops (from allrecipes.com)
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 egg
3 tablespoons orange juice
1/2 teaspoon orange extract
1 teaspoon grated orange zest
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup dried cranberries

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F(190 degrees C). Lightly grease cookie sheets, or line with parchment paper.

In a medium bowl, cream together the white sugar, brown sugar, and butter. Stir in the egg, orange juice, orange extract, and orange zest. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; mix into the orange mixture. Stir in the dried cranberries.

Drop cookie dough by heaping teaspoonfuls, 2 inches apart, on the prepared cookie sheets.

Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, or until edges are starting to brown. Cool on baking sheets for 5 minutes, then remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

Only made about 20 cookies, not 36. I didn't use the orange extract, I just added more orange zest and a little more juice (but not very much).

Drama During Dinner

Two of my sisters and my parents came over for dinner. I had a lovely time hanging with Deborah as she slaved over sugar cookies. I enjoyed seeing Jennifer and her family. It was sweet of my parents to come over given all that is going on right now.

We were all sitting down to eat, the children had food, the adults were about to chew, and Everett had a seizure. (insert frustration)

The poor kid. There isn't any clear indication right now of what caused it. We think it was a febrile seizure, but it was a rather weird one. Clouding all this is just weirdness of his reaction and the fact that he had a bloody nose earlier in the day. Poor guy.

After speaking with the pediatrician on call, we agonized about the right thing to do (ER, acute care facility, pediatrician tomorrow, etc). And then he become really sick. We kept him home for the evening and are going to look for a neurologist tomorrow who can hopefully see him before the holidays.

I thought we had left those seizures behind since it has been over a year since he has had a full-blown seizure. Hopefully, it is just that . . . a febrile seizure.

At the end of the experience when Everett was finally coherent . . . he said,"my tummy ache is awake." He didn't finish his dinner because he seized in the middle of eating. I asked him if he was hungry, and he said he wanted,"Dad's chips." Dad's chips are, as we discovered, the chips that Erik gets when we go to Jason's Deli.

We love that little boy!

Fertility Quest . . . a mini-Post on Things I Don't Do

Those new to my ramblings on being infertile can click on the right for more gory details about our process to get pregnant with Merritt. Infertility has been my struggle. A couple items have been on my mind a bit . . . so, I'll blog here and there about them as time permits. I share these posts as a voice to create understanding, as a voice to share with those who also struggle with infertility, and as a way to create meaning for myself.

I've been surrounded by lots of babies recently which makes me a lucky lady. Small itty bitty little ones with perfect fingers and toes. Quiet sighs and downy, soft skin.

What comes with the expectation of and arrival of those little beings are the conversations around babies. Those conversations don't bother me anymore. But, I don't really have much to say in a couple of them; I just listen. It may be because I just don't understand what it is like to not struggle in getting pregnant. It may be because I still try to be ruthlessly honest with myself about future babies because I already lived through the "hopeful" years that were really disappointing.

I don't get it when other ladies say that they are "baby hungry" as they are eager to hold babies and talk about babies and express hope and plan for a next baby. I don't get it, I think, because I don't allow myself to get baby hungry. You'll never find me saying with excitement, "OH, I want another one." I don't have the flexibility to say to my husband . . . you know, I think it is time to try again, would you like a Christmas baby next? or say casually, I think it is time for another, let's start tonight!

Nope, our process is one that, as a start, involves physical concerns like can I handle the IVF process again, do we think I'll handle carrying the baby to term, then we get to financial and insurance concerns, and then the selection of a local doctor and I'll need to fly to DC for the embryo transfer and etc, etc. Or, as a matter of prayer, are we prompted to reignite our adoption process? I can't seem to frame the matter simply.

I guess it is just a little more complicated with me, go figure.

I don't try to think too far ahead in the "family composition" arena. Kind of hard for me because I am a planner. But, I have learned and am relearning all the time to be flexible with things I have no control over. So, I don't hope to have another boy or "a girl now" or twins or enough kids to perform four part harmony choral pieces. I don't know if we are meant to add other children to our family. I try not to think about it; I simply seek to be content with what I have in the "right here and right now."

I do employ lots of tolerance when a lack of understanding prompts comments that would have taken me a bit to swallow in the past. I employ ignoring tons, too. I am learning from the perspective that doesn't struggle with infertility.

I am very frank when I talk about my struggle with infertility. I talk to men and women alike; some, I am sure, may think "too much info, lady"--but, when you bring it up, you've got to be prepared to hear about it all. And, the reason I am frank is I have heard over and over . . . "you know my (insert relationship) . . . sister-in-law struggles with getting pregnant and I want to be a support but am too afraid to talk to her. I had no idea about (insert any number of misconstrued pieces of information about infertility) . . . ."

I do understand a desire to have children and sometimes allow a "maybe" hope of more children. I have been blessed to have my own two little miracle baby boys. I cherish every moment I have with them and remind myself that I can put up with the incessant, "But Why?" questioning because that little boy innocence will not be around forever.

One more thing presses on my mind this evening (12:38 in the morning rather) . . . those that struggle with the isolation that comes with experiencing and living with infertility (I do have one friend in mind, specifically, that I worry about) . . . I hope you find the answers you are looking for, I hope you find a community of commonality that brings you comfort, I hope that you know that there are those that understand and there are those that are eager to understand, and I hope you find peace in the process of your own endeavor to become a parent(s).

Happy Anniversary to Us

So, yesterday we were at dinner with my family--GreatGrandpa Albritton made a stop in Dallas.

And, my family wished us a happy anniversary. Erik and I looked at each other and were like, "oh, yeah! tomorrow is our wedding anniversary." What can I say? It has been an exhausting year and exhausting couple of months.


Happy Anniversary, Erik! We couldn't have predicted what a ride the past 13 years would have been.

Snow Flurries

We had a bit of the white stuff last week. Evy was so eager to help his dad get ready for work.

"You go to work?" is the first question Everett asks his dad every morning.

Chills and Thrills . . . in short spurts, slurred speech, and choppy comments

Colder weather . . . no more yellow jackets in our fireplace!

Gas leak--oh, yeah, that was fun. We figured out it is in our fireplace. Capped but not fixed yet. Bet that fact makes you want to come over and breathe our air. Whheee awwe okkkahhhy rrreawwwy.

Broken computer, broken printer, broken camera, and broken DVD player. Posting a reward for information that leads to the apprehension of elf/demon/wicked entity that is causing all this ruckus.

Christmas Celebration at church. I'm in charge. Was told to plan for 150 (they thought that would be on the high end). I didn't think more than 80-100 would come. Over 200! Yes, 200 people, were at our celebration. Thrillingly, exhaustingly busy with a positive result.

All of us having been battling colds. Boys are better now.

Merritt added, "Evy" to his words . . . sounds like,"Ewwy." He is one boy demolition crew. Good thing he is so cute when he does it.

We are looking forward to Erik taking some time off before the New Year. It is about time. I am sure we will be working on projects we haven't had time to tackle. Boring things like organizing the office and hanging hooks. We are going to love it! (plenty of doughnut runs in the process)

First Trip to Austin with Merritt

We had a wonderful time in Austin a couple of weeks ago. It was our first trip back to Austin since we moved back to Texas and it was well overdue.

Merritt turned one while we were there. We still have yet to have his party. But, he didn't care. And, for his birthday presents . . . skillets. He is in love!

We had the great opportunity to meet our new cousins and witness the "legal" part of their adoption finalization--they were family way before this ceremony happened. It was a wonderful experience, and one I will always remember.

We visited with Pa and Nana and enjoyed breakfast while the boys cruised the house and Evy fished off the pier.

A stop at the Children's Museum allowed Evy to play with some of his favorites . . . tools!

For Merritt's birthday lunch, we had spaghetti in a train! Awesome!

Merritt loved facing forward in his carseat! (love our swarthy baby doll?)

They enjoyed staying at the hotel. Or at least trying to convince the parents to let them ride!

Other noteworthy aspects:

• My sister fed us during our pitstop in Waco. Gotta love my sisters!
• Trunk lock mechanism "broke" on the way to Waco. Good thing I listened to the prompting to bring both sets of keys. We found only one key would work to open the trunk.
• Though we tried to get together with friends while in Austin, Sheila was too sick.
• Ken's Donuts still rock!
• We realized we need to get out of McKinney more often.
• Though Austin has changed over the time we've been gone, we still love that town!
  

Other pictures we loved:

For P'Real!

(We've been discussing things that are "pretent and p'real" for several months now with Everett. I love some of the verbal quirks that young children have.)

And our schedule is so over-packed, FOR P'REAL!

I am eager to journal the details of some of the amazing experiences we have had. But, I just can't get a moment. Between Erik's calling and my calling in our church, there is just not time. The danger of waiting to journal is you lose the details, and the details are what brings the experience to life. We have had a meeting with a group or individual almost every night for the past 8 weeks. Tonight, we have nothing scheduled but the house needs attention, etc.

I think we are going to watch a movie.

I do want to share with you how humbling it is to work alongside Erik as he strives to fulfill duties as Ward Employment Specialist. The employment needs of right now are particularly overwhelming. It is absolutely insane some of the qualifications that these unemployed and underemployed have and the effort that they are putting into their job search with results coming months and months and sometimes over a year into being unemployed. In short, it hurts, in a sense, to experience their frustration, pain, shame, loss of confidence, and powerlessness.

We feel blessed to be employed. We feel blessed to have health insurance. We feel blessed to have a house (I guess we talk so much about people losing their homes that Evy will ask several times a day,"Do they have a home?" as he points to a person walking on the sidewalk or driving a car).

We feel blessed to have supportive family and friends. And we feel blessed to have the Gospel in our lives. Neither one of us would have the time to accomplish the work, the chutzpah to believe that we can do this work, or insight we desperately need to (1) fulfill our callings and (2)be parents without direction and blessings from our Heavenly Father.

So, if you are unemployed or underemployed you are in our prayers. If you are gainfully employed, take a moment and be grateful.