Visit to Austin in Pictures

Family

Rocks in Fountain

Trudy's

Brothers

Swinging By Myself

Chuy's

FingerSabor Wars

Staying Up Too Late

Central Market

Glow in the Dark Bracelets

Ranging Texas Storms

Cousins

Laughing

Talking for Hours on the Front Porch

Jumping

Worms

Uncles

Hiccup in Texas: Just a Teaser

The Blog as been neglected. We took a whirlwind trip to Austin to visit with family, particularly with "I haven't seen in forever Brother Marc."


We laughed. We drove alot. We ate lots of food (or at least I did). It was fun. Coming home took 11 hours. I am tired. So, here is a teaser with more details to follow--I might add, though, that I came home with 5 chigger bites. No one else got the chiggers. (not familiar with chiggers, [insert snickering] look up "chiggers" in google images)

'Tide?

We've been trying to spend as much time outside as we can.

This past weekend we went to Clemyjontri Park. It was incredibly fun! The playground and rest of the myriad of structures are handicap accessible and friendly. The swings are amazing and ANYONE would be able to enjoy flying through the air.

It is definitely a place to spend hours playing (and riding the carousel). Next time, we need to bring lunch.

It was unusually warm that day. Loving those red cheeks!

Rides were $1.50.

We've also been working on our yard. Our backyard is due for a makeover, especially as we get ready to sell the house. I snapped a few pictures. Nothing extremely exciting but something I wanted to capture.

This is Evy's sign for "more."

This is what Everett helped Mom plant.

This is Erik trying desperately to get grass to grow in our swamp.

Fertility Quest: 8 Week Sonogram

So, I am tired. Morning sickness resurfaced last week with a vengeance. Movement makes it worse, especially riding in a car. I barely have a sense of humor in that I don't get jokes these days. It isn't like I am overly cranky; I just don't get the punch line. Erik has been super nice to tell me that they really didn't make sense anyway.

Getting to the sonogram. The heartbeat and the baby's development are fine--right on target. However, the gestational sac is small. The doctor was bothered enough to mention it, but then he said that it doesn't really indicate anything right now. That isn't surprising. Seems like most reproductive issues need two data points to compare in order to decide anything.

Besides, early pregnancy can be pretty fickle. We've come this far--I could start worrying about this now, but that won't help anything.

In all, the doctor graduated me from his care. The graduation, the separation from the reproductive endocrinologist--your nurse--the financial coordinator--the receptionist is almost bittersweet. You have been with these people during one of the most stressful situations of your life. They know your innermost frustrations and reproductive issues. They don't blink and you don't blush when the word "sex" enters the conversation. You get calls from them and see them sometimes every 2 or 3 days. They are witness to your hormonal, crying rants and frustrations. Their phone numbers are more familiar to you than your family members' phone numbers.

So, when he said goodbye, I almost burst into tears. And, yes, the hormones have much to do with that. But, I will miss those good people all the same.

Now, I am off to the land of OBs!

Thus ends this sharing of the Fertility Quest.

Fertility Quest: News

This past Tuesday marked the 6-week sonogram. And, if you've been paying attention, you know that if we made it to the sonogram, then that means that all three pregnancy tests came back POSITIVE.

Yes, we are pregnant. We are thrilled and extremely excited!

This was part of Erik's birthday present. It was on his birthday that we passed the third pregnancy test.

The 6-week sonogram went well. I was actually 6 weeks and 6 days along for the sonogram. So, there was the sac, the fetal pole, and the heartbeat right where it needed to be. And, I say THE because there is one little baby growing right now.

I did hesitate to post and share this with you at this point. I still have the 8-week sonogram to go. And, unlike most females that wait until the 12-13 week mark to go "public," since we've published this experience with the world, it didn't make any sense to wait that long and delay sharing the end of this round, including the result, with you. Just as in any pregnancy, things can go wrong. But then, if it does, that would be part of this process, and we would share it with you.

Everett is oblivious about the news that he will be a big brother. He is still busy being the center as the toddler. I am not worried about transitioning him to anything like a bed or potty training right now. The pregnancy is still early, and I am sure he will get there in his own time just like he did with the walking. (He does tell me when he needs a diaper change--and then runs away from me when I try to change him. Kind of funny when I am not frustrated with chasing him.)

If you are curious about my cocktail--I am still on Endometrin and the every three day estrogen shot and will be until I am 10 weeks. I am feeling much better than I did several weeks ago. The throwing up is much less than with Everett. I am bigger now at 7 weeks than I was at 7 weeks with Everett. That's how it goes, and I am grateful for all of it.

As far as any more Fertility Quest posts--I'll probably put something out there around the 8 week sonogram time. But, I don't know how much more I want to do. There are many other topics that can be covered around infertility. But, honestly, I am a bit, shall we say, tired of putting my most inner weaknesses, feelings, and struggles out there for the world to either accept, appreciate, or snicker at . . . . At least this is how I feel now.

I began this blog in January of 2006 to mark progress on some renovations on our home. When it became clear that I was supposed to circulate pregnancy pictures, I erased those posts and used the blog to share pictures and then updates on my pregnancy/bedrest. It has since evolved to family things with other sharings interspersed. I am sure we will always share about Everett and what he is doing.

And, I guess what I am trying to say is that I appreciated the space to share with you my struggles with infertility. I did not do it to ellipse other struggles. I did not do it to say that struggling with infertility is the worst thing in the world. I did not do it to be pitied. I did not do it to be admired or hated. I did it because we felt someone needed us to share our experience. I did it because I don't want anyone who struggles with infertility to feel as alone as I have felt.

Part of me feels like I am writing a goodbye post. And, in a sense, I am pulling back and privatizing the deepest struggle of my life. My struggle with infertility is not "over," but I know how to manage the frustration, anger, and sadness that is a part of it. That helps me have peace on a daily basis with who I am and my role in this life. Some may not understand why I can't say that my infertility struggle is now in my past especially since I am pregnant for a second time--to that, all I can say is that when you struggle with something for so long, it becomes a part of you and shapes who you are.

I won't be posting frequently about experiencing pregnancy as any good pregnancy book and lots of blogs describe the experience. And, for those that were familiar with us waiting to find out until Everett's delivery if we were having a boy or girl, we are going to wait, again, until the delivery to find out if we have a boy or a girl. I know that frustrated some family members. But, when you go through such a controlled and stressful experience to get pregnant, you try and enjoy each turn and experience as naturally as possible.

We have appreciated your good wishes, your emails/calls/cards, and all of the prayers said on behalf of our welfare. If you have something to share, you can always post something on the guestbook which is to the right of the posts. If you would like, you can mark your comment to be private, and then only Erik and I will read it. If you want to email me, you can email me at sheila(dot)sjolseth(at)gmail(dot)com.

Everett Is In Nursery

Everett's first Sunday in nursery went well. I was in there for the first hour to cover for the staff being shorthanded, but he was solo with the group for the second hour of nursery, and it went well. He loves following what the older boys are doing. And, by far, the most favorite activity is with the BALL.

I am thrilled that he is in nursery and kind of don't know what to do with myself after hauling him around with me during church for almost 18 months. He is thrilled to be able to run and play!

Fertility Quest: When Mother's Day Sucks

Mother's Day, May 11th, is really just around the corner. And let me tell you, it is a day of hell for ladies that struggle to become moms. (And it can be rough for others such as those with relationship concerns with a mother figure, but that isn't the focus for this post.) I still remember all of the Mother's Days where I heard ladies talk about motherhood by saying,"I am so glad that God has trusted me with these children."

In my religion, being a mother is often compared to honoring the holy grail of responsibility from God (people don't use those words but that is how serious motherhood is understood). What was I if I wasn't ever going to be a mom? Can I not be trusted with children? What an outright slap in the face my background, training, and career choice would be if "trusted with children" was the issue.

What a total load of crap this particular day ended up throwing on my often fragile identity in a religion where families are the center. That was, and sometimes still is, my struggle. Thus, the struggle in becoming a mother has been intimately tied with my spiritual being. (I guess it didn't help that Mother's Day is always on a Sunday.) I would dread going to church on this day. I would even try and make up excuses as to why something else was more important to do than to go to Sunday services (I was not successful with this one).

On Sundays when flowers or candy were handed out at the end of Sacrament to celebrate those mothers and would-be mothers, I always left the room just before the tokens were distributed. Always. Why did I need a physical reminder of my heartache? Why did I need to stand up with the other women when I felt a glaring empty hole next to me where I felt my children should be?---Some may say, "You've got it all wrong. It is a token of hope, of appreciation, of potential." Well, it was not for me.

I have absolutely hated Mother's Day as an adult. I don't have as strong negative feelings towards it now. Partly because I have decided to ignore others, partly because I have redefined Mother's Day, and partly because I have Everett.

Ignoring Others

On Mother's Day, especially, I was ALWAYS ready with the sarcastic remark, always. You could say it was part of my mental armor. Nothing trite, insipid, or insensitive passed along without a comment or facial expression, whether I verbalized these comments or showed the expressions is another matter, but the key is I was very, very sensitive about this day.

I've heard it all when it comes to things people say. BUT, no matter who you are, people will have plenty to say whether you had children "early/late/never," whether you "breastfed/bottlefed," whether you are "single/married/divorced/widowed"--and the list goes on. In that vein, no one really has any idea of what they are talking about and shouldn't be talking about others in the first place.

In general, I try to put myself in situations where I am not part of or encouraged to talk about others. I try to ignore others' comments (still working on this one), and try to remember, when my ignoring skills aren't working, that many people say things to be helpful.

On Mother's Day, I now try to let my armor be first and foremost that I am doing all that God has asked me to do. That I am a good person and that my procreation success has nothing at all to do with my success in being a valued daughter of God and working towards being the type of person that emulates strong positive characteristics and follows the teachings of Christ.

Redefining Mother's Day

In order to feel more at peace about this day, I started celebrating Mother's Day as a day to give gratitude and celebration to the women in my life that are strong advisors, supporters, and builder-uppers. Quite frankly, some think that this idea is weird. Some think that this is a day to pay homage to the one that raised you by giving hand-printed plaster casts with french toast and orange juice.

For me, that idea was too finite, too limited, and continued to disturb my sensibilities. Why not take all the effort and money spent in this endeavor and build up women in my life that had supported me, helped me better understand myself, and sacrificed energy to make someone else's existence better-more meaningful!

How do I do it? I send notes around Mother's Day thanking them. I may give a small gift. Most commonly, I send an email or make a phone call.

Stripping all of this down, why do I do it? I do it because then I feel like I can still be a part of Mother's Day. When I believed that I would never be a mom, I could take an active role in building others up on this day instead of feeling sorry for myself.

(Note: This redefining doesn't mean I omit how I thank my own mother on Mother's Day. She gets the card and/or the phone call and some weird gift I pick out just like I used to when I was little.)

Everett
It just isn't fair that Mother's Day became a bit better after having Everett. And, I say it isn't fair because there are plenty of deserving, desirous women out there who struggle with Mother's Day and may never have their own Everett.

Having Everett has made my heart more receptive to Mother's Day talks, talks about motherhood. But, having Everett has not made Mother's Day a day of prose, rose, and sweet nothings. Maybe it is because I still question many things. I still am a little too thorough in picking up the inappropriate comment shared on this day, but that is something I am still working on and may work on for a while when it comes to this issue.

If Mother's Day sucks for you, make a plan for that day that will give you space to have a positive experience. Acknowledging that it sucks and that it is unfair can sometimes be part of the journey to having more peace around this issue. If you feel like you can't handle being around others, don't be around others. There are over 350 other days in the year when you can slave away serving others.

If someone you know struggles on Mother's Day, be sensitive to that. Give them the space needed to find peace with this day. For many experiencing infertility, this day and Father's Day are extremely difficult and can be days of mourning. When couples find out they are infertile, it is a loss that they have to come to terms with and decide how to manage.

Mother's Day, for me now, is a day of gratitude. It is a chance for me to celebrate Everett and Erik. And, Mother's Day doesn't suck as much any more.

Beautiful Day

Today and yesterday were beautiful in Virginia. We've kept the windows open and have enjoyed hearing all the sounds from the outside--the lawn mowers, kids playing, and, oddly enough, big trucks driving through our cluster. The bees are out; our dogwood tree is blooming; and it is in the 70s today. We are both in short sleeved shirts. I know that in some parts of the US you guys think it is already summer. But, we are just hitting springtime here.

This morning we went to Frying Pan Park. I really enjoy taking Everett places like this since he is now able to walk. He enjoyed seeing the animals, especially the ugly turkeys, but spent the most time just sitting in dirt and playing with rocks.

I love this little boy. I love it when his clothes are covered in mud, food, and who knows what else. I love having to wipe his face and clean his nails after playing. Most especially, I loved how he looked as we drove home from the park--ruddy red cheeks, smear of dirt across the chin, and a serenely calm face as he fell asleep tired out from all the excitement.

Quick Update on Evy

Evy's physical therapist visited us today. She is thrilled with the progress that Everett is making and thinks that he will "graduate" pretty soon.

It is so fun to watch him gain confidence in his skills. He is definitely in charge and wants to do things on his own. (I also find it funny when he throws a tantrum. No, I don't laugh in front of him. But, given some of the silly things he gets worked up about, I wonder if I get worked up about trivial things, too. Being a parent provides the deepest level of introspection possible.)

He has recently taken to feeding the cat. Well, he throws food from his plate to the floor and tells me that it is for the cat. The drawback is that the first time he offered his food to the feline--the feline was sitting right beside us and beelined it to the hot dog offering on the floor. He thinks that he is providing an act of service, now, when he throws stuff down. He did get into the cat food recently and found the IAMS version of sustenance mighty tasty.

He loves to throw things away in the trash. I think that it is partly an excuse to play with the dishwasher detergent after he visits the trashbin.

Though he continues to pick up words and signs, (yesterday, he surprised me by using the sign for apple) he has a favorite monosyllable of the day. Today, it is "cur." So, everything is "cur." So, I don't have any idea of what he wants like 95% of the time right now.

He has developed into a short napper and is back to the early rising. His daily nap length is around 45 minutes. If he goes long, he'll nap for almost 90 minutes. I am thrilled to have more time with him awake and more time to get outside of the house.

A minor drawback is that it just makes it harder to get things done like using the computer. HE is in charge of the computer. All of my writing, emailing, bill paying, blogging, and internet searching has to be done when he is deep asleep and sometimes I don't even have time to get to the computer during his nap. He refuses to "parallel play" on this one. He won't use another computer while I use a computer. It cracks me up with how much authority he displays when he is clacking away on the keyboard or using the mouse.

And, his favorite place is "tide?" He loves going outside. Today it is cold, muddy, and rainy. So, it turns into crying "I want outside!"---to crying "I am cold!"--back to "I want outside!"--- Poor kid. I hope it warms up for him soon.

We are having a great time with Everett!

Happy Birthday, Erik!

Love,
Sheila and Evy

Fertility Quest: Allergic to Injections?

Okay, saying I'm allergic to injections is akin to coming up with some lame excuse as to why I didn't do my homework, paid a bill late, won't eat the fish, or forgot someone's birthday.

BUT, I am allergic to progesterone in sesame oil and progesterone in olive oil. Any movement above a slow, plodding walk causes me to wince and cry out like a sissy. I'll give you a guess as to how many other "oils" I want to try right now.

The great news is that last year a new medication was approved that can now replace my progesterone injections---Endometrin.

When the nurse told me about it, I was like, "Are you sure? Because you guys didn't mention anything about this the last time we did this." And, in some weird way, it feels more medically, well, advanced to be shooting up with the medicine instead of inserting it like you would a tampon. (I did go to the suppositories for IVF 2006, but that was well after the pregnancy was established.---And these are pills, not the traditional suppositories--though they are inserted in a like manner.)

But, SERIOUSLY, from where I sit, this stuff looks great! I am looking forward to a painfree derriere.

Fertility Quest: Long and Drawn-Out

I know that all of you are waiting with baited breath to hear news. Well, so are we.

We are still waiting. Each day seems to get longer and longer. The hormones continue to make me feel pregnant . . . remember that I am taking artificial ones . . . so, I can't trust what my body says, just what the doctor says.

BTW, it looks like I am allergic to olive oil, also. I am so lucky.

But, we don't have any new plagues at our house and our coughs/colds/earinfections/pinkeye outbreaks are clearing up.

And, since I can't provide any kind of entertainment right now--be on the lookout for a new post from Erik. (His birthday is Friday and he has promised to write out one of his birthday stories).