Fertility Quest: Day 3 Results

It's a go!

Day 3 results came in and the bloodwork was clear. The sonogram showed no physical changes that would present complications.

My cocktail has been prescribed and it is on its way!

I am so excited!

Next steps, the mock embryo transfer. More on that at a later date.

Sheila's Last Conference

I recently came back from the last conference I will be presenting at for this phase of my work career. I talked about school improvement, funding for school improvement, and Response to Intervention. I am a total edugeek. So, if any want to talk more about what I did, let me know.

It was a busy, busy time. I presented at two sessions. The first held 550 people and the second held over 900 people. The first was a bit more exhausting as we had them work in groups on several key questions. I have never coordinated group work for that large of an audience. But, it can be done and we were able to do it well.

I had several moments that I wanted to share with you:

1. Speech by Cornell West. He is currently at Princeton. Some of you may remember some controversy around him and President Summers (president of Harvard) a couple of years ago. There are a couple of clips of some of interviews on youtube if you are interested in getting a sense of who he is. The reason I mention him here is because he talked about "intellectual vertigo" . . . the purpose in education to help others negotiate the dissonance between the natural man that commits sin (not his words) and the goodness in humanity. --- I don't pretend to be able to even recap for you the passion, charisma, excitement, and dedication he showed and the words he used in describing what it takes to support children from disadvantaged backgrounds.

Nonetheless, he made a very profound impression on me and inspired several different thought paths to take for my next phase in life. When I think of individuals that are able to meaningfully connect several disciplines of life (philosophy, linguistics, economics) and conclude that we need to learn how to live better, be better in such a powerful way, he will be one of them. I am trying to learn how to have courage. I am trying to fit the context of who I am, where I am in my life journey, within my pursuit for progress. I am trying to build the courage to verbally and strongly share, discuss, and talk issues that I have held close.

2. The conference was in Nashville, Tennessee--home of the Country Music Hall of Fame. Dolly Parton was supposed to give the opening remarks (she got sick and wasn't there in the end, but that's another story). My hotel was RIGHT by the Grand Ole Opry. Also, my hotel was right next to an outlet mall. Right inside the mall was a recording kiosk. A place where you could record your own song . . . for the low, low price of $18.00. I saw it on Thursday. (One detail to note is that while you record, your song is being shared with all within listening distance in the mall.--I thought, "I can't be the worst one. So, why not?")

My one chance to record the song of my choice, "Hangin' In" by Tanya Tucker, would be Friday night. I practiced the song all day Friday, in my mind. I tried to recruit all of my colleagues to sing with me, at least sing as back-up. They were all scared, CHICKENS! And, as it happens often to musical talent, the demands of my "day job" spilled into the evening. Sadly, my recording career has taken another delay.

I must note that my first time walking by the Grand Ole Opry, it was rainy and chilly. I didn't have an umbrella, but that didn't deter me from seeing the place. As I passed by it, the heavens opened and lightning and thunder struck at once, shaking my ribcage with the sound. I know it was a sign and at the very least it was a set of circumstances ripe to inspire a country music lyric.

3. People complain about the status of education, people complain about government, and-- around here in DC--people complain about government workers. I want you to know that there are many thousands of professionals that work in government that take their stewardship very seriously. There are people sitting at the federal level and sitting in state departments of education that work long hours and seriously stress about how to make programs work. They struggle with how to systematically move a system to improve education while ensuring that the individual students we have aren't lost in the process of moving and improving systems.

I had the opportunity to have sincere discussions with many of them this weekend (I work at the US Department of Education for at least another week). I just wanted to share that with you.

4. I have never been so absented minded at a conference. I locked myself out of my room. I left my jewelry in the safe and didn't realize it until I arrived at the airport. I left some key notes for my presentation in a conference room. I kept setting the time wrong. Let me say that I have never, ever experienced such a level of personal assistance and kindness as the staff at the hotel showed. No question too redundant or obvious. No request inane. They double checked everything that they did. Aside from the fact that everything was overpriced and I felt like I was on a huge cruise ship, I couldn't improve upon the experience. Anyone who wants to learn how to build a working environment that people enjoy, where employees smile, where people are courteous to everyone--checkout the Gaylord Hotel management. [In the end, I left behind my favorite watch at the Nashville airport in security (another story), but Gaylord's arms and hospitality don't spread that wide. too bad.]

Chills and Thrills

Sheila: I didn't really have a Chill for the week. I am a bit nervous about coordinating everything for the Fertility Quest, but that is coming together just fine. My Thrill for the week was participating in the annual conference around Title I (my program) this past week and weekend. I had a fabulous time in Nashville and was even more excited late Saturday when I arrived at home. TRAVEL for work--DONE!


Erik: Pretty quiet but busy week for me. Nothing outstandingly interesting to share. EXCEPT, that I have started a blog. Check it out.

Everett: My Chill is I've been anxious when I am away from Mom and Dad, especially Dad. My Thrill is that I am having a great time and am getting over my cold. Mom said she would post more later on stuff I am doing; so keep a look out for it.

Fertility Quest: First Wait

If you are squeamish about personal "woman" stuff, the following may be too much information. I promised to be straight forward about this and am trying to keep to that.

The First Wait

Just in any endeavor to get pregnant, there are waiting times. Right now, I am waiting to get my Day 3 work to get done. That means that I am waiting for my period to start in order to get to Day 3 of my period so that they can draw some blood and maybe take a sonogram.

The Day 3 results will be the key indicator for all the meds to start. The Day 3 results will let the doctor know if something weird is up. The Day 3 results will help the doctor know what cocktail to prescribe. (The cocktail is my way of referring to the array of SHOTS I am prescribed.)

I am ready. I've filled all the prescriptions that I can. I've found all the heating pads in the house (heating pads are key for IM shots.) I found my old sharps container that didn't get filled up. I bought the baby aspirin. I am taking prenatal vitamins and those chocolate candy calcium chews.

Anybody who knows me well knows my disdain towards pills. If I have already bought them all and am eagerly taking some, I am ready.

In a true twist of expectations, I have never, ever been more eager for my period to start.

Dedicated to Mom

Erik's first blog

This is Erik. I now can post all by myself.


One of my favorite web sites it Despair.com. It holds such wisdom. They have a great Valentines collection.

When you’re having one of those “not so intellectually stimulating” moments, try a few of Demotivators to jump-start your creativity.

Here are some of my favorites.

And lastly, my justification for change...

Cool Stuff . . . Capturing a Moment in Time

Erik and I found Story People in Annapolis, Maryland at an artist's store a couple of years ago. We find that we still love his work.

The first time his laughter unfurled its wings in the wind, we knew that the world would never be the same.

This is a print that we recently purchased. I know I couldn't say it any better.

Fertility Quest: For Family and Friends of Those Who Struggle

The posts entitled "Fertility Quest" are not written to make others feel good, make others feel bad, make the issue easy, make the issue controversial. The posts are part of my experiences, good/bad, and I feel strongly that they need to be shared as honestly as possible. Some of the things below may shed insight or understanding. At least I hope so.

No matter what I write, or share in person, I will never be able to articulate the hardships that infertility presents. Some going through infertility may not be at a point to even verbalize how they feel. Please accept that.

Some may say: how can you be infertile, you have a kid? Yes, I do seem to contradict myself. But, no matter how I slice it, I still struggle with it. I still depend on the miracles of modern medicine and inspired physicians in order to have the opportunity to get pregnant.

It will be almost uncomfortably clear through this post that I still struggle. I don't like being so personal. I don't like putting out there the things that I struggle with still. I can think of a million other ideas to post on that are more giggly. It may seem that I want others to conform to me. And, that may be true. I write this to share insight, to share my experiences. I don't have all the answers, but the following is part of what I have experienced and know.

For this post, I am writing to those that have family or friends that struggle with infertility.

You Are Pregnant
You have the wonderful news that you are pregnant. And, you may feel awkward about sharing the news with a friend that struggles with infertility. Maybe you have heard her anger or frustration when others get pregnant. Maybe you have heard her talk about fairness. Maybe you know about her irritation with baby showers, but you want her to be at your shower. Maybe you are afraid your friendship will suffer.

No doubt about it; it can be hard.

Sharing the News
What do you do? Do you tell her . . . in person, by phone, with an email? Do you wait for her to find out from someone else? Maybe you think, "She'll figure it out on her own when I start showing."

One of the hardest parts of struggling with infertility is you feel excluded from a biological rite of passage. Something that mothers in every grocery store, office, park, and movie theater can relate to and bond around--the birth story, the loss of last night's sleep because of teething, a misbehaving 5 year old, a wayward teen. No matter what class, race, socio-economic status, or religion, being a mom creates powerful commonalities. Not being a part of that can leave a person to feel ostracized.

So, what do you do?

If I were you, I would prayerfully consider how to share the wonderful news. I would prayerfully consider how to include her if that is what is what you want. I would be prepared for her joy and/or her sadness. I would be prepared to NOT TAKE HER REACTION PERSONALLY. Her reaction is not a reflection of you. Infertility is her burden to bear; her obstacle to overcome. We each have areas of our lives were we find difficulty; some areas of life are harder than others; some hardships last longer than others.

For me, it was best if I was allowed the opportunity to rejoice. Allowed the opportunity to be included. Allowed the opportunity to decide.

To Be Included
As someone who struggled with infertility, it was a powerfully bonding experience to have the opportunity to rejoice with others, to be actively included and not avoided like a pariah. One of my closest friends, Amy, was able to share the news about her pregnancy with me a couple of years ago.

She was able to share her news in a way that included me, in a way that did not make me feel like a second class female. She shared the news with both Erik and me in her home with such sincerity and joy. Her news was about her family. Her news was about her hopes and fears. It wasn't about me. That was so nice.

She did it without pity towards me. I get enough of that from myself. She treated me as if I were any other close friend that she has.

In another situation, I found out a close friend was pregnant through her neighbor's decorator. That hurt my feelings.

Now, some of you may be thinking, but this is my news. This should be about me. And, you are right. But, if you care for her, if you are her friend, you'll try to understand. Why someone else's good news can be hard for others seems so fruitless and illogical, but it is what it is.

I Don't Want to Tell Her
If you choose to not actively tell your friend, that is your choice. I would encourage you to be prayerful about that choice. Yes, this is her struggle . . . you are also her friend.

Another thing, don't insult your friend's intelligence by openly excluding her, especially if you have friends in common, whatever your choice is in how you share your news. I have known several times that a friend was pregnant before she shared the news or even knew that she was pregnant. Yes, it was hard, especially before I had Everett, to put myself in her shoes, understand what she was going through, and how her life's path and timeline has nothing to do with mine.

Include Her?
One of the most hurtful experiences--[yes, I understand it's my own choice to allow me to be hurt. But, nonetheless, I was still hurt.] A group of 5 ladies at church were gathered close together intently talking about stuff. Knowing several of them well, I walked over to join in on the conversation. As soon as I came up, there was the dreaded silence of crickets. They kind of stared at me until I went away . . . and then it hit me. I bet that they were all pregnant . . . two of them were open about their good news. The others weren't, which is fine. It was hard to know that my other friends were pregnant, and they didn't feel comfortable sharing that information with me.

One of the most growing experiences I had through this whole process was when I was invited to help throw a baby shower. I was in a new community, having just moved into the Franconia Ward boundaries (I miss you guys). No one had ever asked me to help with a shower, and this group of ladies didn't think that it would be weird to ask me to do something. FINALLY, I had a purpose for those occasions that I abhorred attending. I couldn't participate in most of the conversations, but I could participate in other ways and listen to those around me. This singular experience helped me so much in being able to better understand my role, what I had to offer a group of ladies in that environment.

I am sure that after I put this post out there that I will think of 100 ways to say all of this better. I was going to talk about the ooops pregnancy, but I find that I don't really know how best to handle that situation. I am sure the ooops pregnancy is hard for the person who finds herself pregnant unexpectedly, but the idea that someone would complain about it given that she knows the biology of how to get pregnant is beyond me. See, I am just not there yet. And, that is okay.

To end this, I would like to point out two scriptures. These two scriptures have helped me so much with my progression in understanding.

Mosiah 18:8-9
8 ". . . as ye are a desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort . . . ."

Matthew 6:25-34
25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

I "Heart" One-a-Day Naps

We've been working with Everett, shifting his naps from two to one. It is a day by day thing. Some days, he needs two, some one. We have had two days in a row of one-a-days, and I LOVE IT!

We have more time to play, more time to get things accomplished, and still have that quiet time for us to focus on individual stuff: he works on sleep, I work on everything but sleep.

He was a total toddler today in Target. For the past week, he has basically lost all words and has regressed to a point he has never been at before verbally. . . . everything is "eh-eh-eh-eh" said in the most irritating sound possible and pointing with desperate need at what he wants. At Target he "eh-eh-eh-eh" every toy or object with color in sight, crying with a broken heart when we had to pass all the things he desired.

poor thing. And, I mean me.

All is well, and I am looking forward to picking him up after a sound sleep. His cheeks will be red, his hair will be messy, his face will be boogery, and he will be smiling.

Chills and Thrills

Erik: My Chill and Thrill is I just rolled off a project. I am chilled because it means looking for another project while looking for a job. It is thrilling because I am ready for something different.

Sheila: I don't really have a Chill. Everything is going okay, day by day. My Thrill is that it has been 3 days since Everett last threw up . . . he still has his cold, but he's been able to keep his cookies down even while coughing. He is also able to go DOWN stairs all by himself. I love it!

Everett: Did you know I got a horse? Well, and I am now off the bottle, mostly. Can't say whether it is a chill or a thrill, it just is.

Parenting Dilemna #100,001

Cough

Cold

Sniffles

Mucous

Sick

Vomit

Everywhere

Tired

Stinky

Everywhere

Laundry

Everywhere

Yuck

Dirty

Friday

Trashday

Trashday

HHhhmmm

Throw Away?

A Hard Day

Today was a hard day.

I told my colleagues that I would be leaving as of February. Now, I may be able to stay connected to the work through some projects, which will be nice. But, the reason for my thoughts here was how hard I finally realized not coming to work would be. I've known that I would be quitting since September. I should have been prepared for telling the news. I wasn't. I almost burst into tears when I announced my departure to my group.

After telling them and going about the process of transitioning my work to others, I kept thinking,"This isn't what I had in mind for today. I just thought I would be working . . . not giving away my work."

You might ask: what's the big deal? You work for a government agency . . . what do you even do . . . you are a bureaucrat . . . you get frustrated with bureaucracy . . . But, every job has its drawbacks. I am engaged in my job, engaged by my colleagues, engaged by the work.

Not juggling being a mom and wife and employee will be a relief. Not having to balance childcare with bills with the costs of working will be a relief. And, don't you want to be at home with Everett?---My feelings are not in conflict with each other. I am just having to let go of a part of me that I have worked and developed and have relied on for almost two decades, that gainfully employed part of me. I am setting aside an environment, a skill set, a set of relationships where I know I am successful and that I enjoy.

I am also setting aside an area of my life that I am passionate about. For me, it isn't like I am stopping a routine behavior. I am being pushed to find ways to fulfill my passions about education and children in different ways, other than my work, ways that I am unsure about right now.

And I am sad.

I had a conversation with a dear colleague about why to even stay at a job . . . is it the intellectual challenge, the money, the prestige, or the relationships? What makes or breaks a job for you? I bet it is tied to how well you respect or get along with your colleagues. It is for me.

Human nature doesn't come with an off or on switch. I know that we use the metaphor of "wearing many hats" to describe the roles that we fulfill in our homes, our jobs, and our communities. But, even when we switch roles, we don't leave the other roles behind, they come with us. I won't be able to turn off this part of me; I'll have to channel it in other avenues.

When teaching, at the end of every school year, I had a hard time with the "end" . . . the part where I said goodbye to my pint-sized colleagues. It was bittersweet to see my students leave so much older than when they entered my classroom. It was bittersweet that some other teachers would get to know them as I had and learn to enjoy their senses of humor and their varied idiosyncrasies. (Bet you didn't know I was the jealous type.)

This parting is also bittersweet. I will be able to spend more time with my son. I will be able to challenge myself in ways that I have not had an opportunity to before now. And I am sad.

Fertility Quest: SHOTS

Injection Style

So, I just completed the first round of bloodwork for this next round of IVF. I went to the lab, and as I was sitting in that weird padded armchair ready for them to wrap the rubber strap above my elbow, I started to have flashbacks and really analyzed the crooks of my elbows.

There are lots and lots of pock marks. Because, you get lots and lots of vials of blood taken from you when you prepare for and go through this process. Also, the doctors commonly prescribe baby aspirin while you are on the prescribed hormone injections . . . so you bruise easily.

Take a look at your own "crook in the elbow" . . . do you have a favorite sight for when the lab needs to take a blood sample . . . well, through this process you rotate your arms so they aren't taking blood from the same arm two days in a row, and the "favor" is no more, and both sides are bruised . . . don't get me started on the duct tape that disguises itself as painless tape for that stupid cottonball that goes over the injection site after the blood is collected. And you don't dare to refuse the cottonball torture because you are bleeding, remember you are on baby aspirin--which acts as a blood thinner.

This time around the injections won't be as intense. I won't have to administer any of the shots in my belly (last time I was giving myself upwards of 4 shots per day). I will have to get two Intramuscular (IM) shots, instead of one, each day. That means big needles, and the shots go in the butt, people. Erik was the shot administer for me for those shots and will be this next time. I was reading through my journal and came across my entry for when we went to the "Shot Class" so we could learn how to administer all this medication.

So I share a flashback from my past:
January 2006
As we begin the invitro experience--we were required to attend a class to learn how to give shots or injections. Our class was at the DC office and there were two other couples.

The training basically consisted of learning how to read the dosage, draw the serum, and inject--some included mixing the serum and we were able to practice that as well as practice a bit of "sticking" a pad of rubber (like a pad of rubber is really like my belly or butt)--well, about halfway through the class, Erik turns to me and says,"Can you get me a glass of water?"

"WHAT!?! We are learning how *I* will be poked endlessly over the next 8 weeks and you want me to get you a GLASS OF WATER during the class?" is what I thought to myself.

I had no idea why I needed to do this because he was closest to the door. I said,"no."---and then I started to watch him. I had no idea that he was about to faint--luckily, he next asked the nurse who was teaching the class, and she immediately responded.

Poor Erik! He was pale and his lips were blue.

Despite the queasiness, he handled the 8+ weeks of IM shots like a champ! He is also the one in charge of working with the pharmacy to get the serums and needles. Most of the serum has to be "cooled" and in the fridge at all times. And, you also get to have one of those cool sharps (or needle) trashbins that you take back to the doctor when it is full.

Another flashback:

I was working full time and participating in a fellowship when I went through IVF in 2006. I was pretty busy. I wanted to be. I wanted my life to be so full that if the IVF attempt was unsuccessful I wasn't wrapping who I was around that result.

This morning, after a late night for the fellowship, I was late getting to the bus stop. This morning was one of those mornings where the meetings and the load at work was stacked--grantee meetings scheduled, I was in charge of today's Brown Bag discussion, and I am still working on getting a document to clearance. I had to get to work ASAP. As I was parking my car at the bus stop, I saw that the bus to the Metro was pulling out to leave. Like any decent public transportation participant, I RAN to catch it . . .

. . . and then I had to stop because my butt hurt soooo bad. The bruises from the shots were so sensitive that RUNNING hurt me, really hurt. Standing there, watching the bus go by, and realizing how late I was going to be, I started laughing (my funny laugh, not my maniacal hysteria laugh). I laughed because who would even entertain the thought of telling the boss that "my butt was too sore to catch the bus" as the excuse for being late to work because I was seriously thinking about it.

We Went to NYC and Came Back With a Horse?

Once upon a time, in the wintry land of the nation's capital, a fine youngish family, the Sjolseths, decided to venture along the seashore to the land of New York City. Lord Erik, the patriarch of the Sjolseths, had familial connections in Port Washington, a short train ride from the land of Manhattan, and desired to see his relations at least once more before moving his family South.

Lady Sheila, the mother in this family, suffered from a tiring illness like the consumption or Black Death but did not want to be a dead weight and so she rallied through the weekend to be a participant in the traveling festivities.

So it was on a cold and dark Friday evening, the Sjolseth family loaded up their Honda steed and drove the 270 miles to New York City arriving tired and weathered early Saturday morning complete with cold remedies, blankets, and the fine ingredients for crepes and fajitas.

Saturday morning beamed upon the young family as each one woke in his or her time. Squire Everett, the young son of the family, did not sleep well the previous evening and all had suffered for it. However, once awake the family was delighted to spend time with the Leonards, the esteemed family they were visiting. Lady Nadine, the lady of the house and cousin of Lord Erik, and Lord John with their sons Squires Zack and Luke welcomed the young Sjolseth family with amazing bagels and schmears, superior to all others they have eaten.

After a fine breakfast and untiring bouts of chase with the young boys, the young Sjolseth family ventured onto the train to visit the land of Manhattan. Squire Everett, delighted with his first ride on the train, bounced and rolled with the train.

The land of Manhattan never fails to impress Lady Sheila with its height, expanse, number of taxis available, and pace. Although a frequent visitor of NYC, Lady Sheila is always impressed as she walks and strolls along the numberless streets, eats at the varied eateries, and uses the hard to find bathroom (thank you Marriott).

The Sjolseths did take the wrong subway all the way to the land of Queens before arriving to their destination at 53rd and 3rd Avenue in the land of Manhattan. But, their flagged motivation was rallied after an excellent feast of Indian food complete with Peshwari Naan, a bread Lady Sheila has difficulty locating in her fair city.



After the delicious fare of Chicken Korma and Samosas, the family headed toward Ground Zero. Both Lord Erik and Lady Sheila had friends that were involved in the tragedy there, and they had not found the opportunity to visit that area since September 11th.



Sunday morning dawned, and the Sjolseths and Leonards dined on the finest crepes with Nutella ever to be made (slight exaggeration but they were good). Lord John built a fire in the Guardroom lasting all through the day and night, and the revelers migrated around this heat source through the day. After much lazying about, the ladies, lords and squires also prepared and partook of fajitas galore and were ready to sit back and watch the tournament of football between the New York Giants vs Green Bay Packers.


During the festivities there was moment for the cousins to discuss their family heritage and roots tracing all the way to the fjords. And, there was a light show heralded by Squire Zack highlighted with madcap aerial moves and color combinations.


During a lull in the activities, Squire Luke acted as minstrel with his Rocking Guitar, as he sung original lyrics full of valor and adventure, danced original moves daring the law of gravity, and bequeathed a show as never seen before in the land of Port Washington.


Watching the match with football aficionado and staunch fan Lord John was a highlight for Lady Sheila. As she is the eldest of four fair daughters, she never quite had the football expert to rely on to answer her questions. The riveting match between the lands of Green Bay and New York went into overtime, which caused much consternation and excitement in the Leonard's Guardroom. After the Packers met with defeat, all went to bed (except for Lady Sheila who coughed with anguish through the night--well, at least until the nighttime medication kicked in).

As the dawn of Monday broke across the land of Port Washington, Lord Erik and Squire Everett played with Squires Zack and Luke until it was time to part. Lady Nadine and Lord John equipped the Sjolseth family with fine tunics and infant barriers, which were accepted with much gratitude. The Sjolseth family enjoyed the Leonard family's company very much and look forward to the next visit full of much minstrelling and football tournamenting.

One final resting stop for the Sjolseth family was at The Cracker Barrel ("The Barrel" as Lord Erik calls it). After dining on Lady Sheila's style of comfort food, they perused the Country Store allowing time for all to use the privy. While strolling through the aisles, Squire Everett spied something that called to him, his true steed, a blonde rocking horse. In excitement he gestured wildly at it hoping Lady Sheila would heed his call.

Lady Sheila did. Immediately upon this rocking horse of adventure, Squire Everett began laughing and squealing with joy. After riding and enjoying the company of the horse, Lord Erik and Lady Sheila had to decide whether to bring the horse to their land or leave it in "The Barrel." As it was the first true preference that Squire Everett had shown, Lord Erik and Lady Sheila made the necessary trade of purse, and Squire Everett had his horse.

(Next, they'll have to get him a lightsaber, oops, lance.)

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

A song I performed countless times when I was a youth was entitled "How Will They Know" . . . talking about who will guide and teach the children. Kind of an odd song for a 12+ year old girl to sing.


Anyway, I think about that song when I decide what to read to Everett and what to discuss with Everett. I wanted to share a book we really enjoy given the reason for the Monday holiday.



And our favorite page:

New York City?

We are packing up our bags, my cold, cold medicine, Evy's favorite blanket (and a back-up), some delicious recipies and going to New York City.

If you want to see some great news froma friend--

Baby Olivia

He Said MOM

He was eagerly awaiting the beginning of Man of La Mancha (?) and I needed to head to the bathroom.

Mom: Evy, I am going to go to the bathroom. If you need me I'll be in there.
Evy: Mom!

Ahh, the sweet memories. Rocking him to sleep, feeding him, his smile, and the fact that he first said mom in response to telling him I was going to the bathroom. sigh . . . what a life!

Wes and Willy Shirt

Fertility Quest: Conversations

I don't have any news on our process, but I wanted to address something that has been on my mind lately. The conversations that I have with others. When people find out about our difficulties when getting pregnant there are a number of responses that occur . . . embarrassment, confusion, pity, and awkwardness name a few.

Thanks to my husband, I've learned that most people are well-meaning. Most people want you to be happy and want to help find your way to happiness (usually by doing the things that have made them happy).

Infertility (I read once) is someone's private hell. I'd say that was pretty accurate. It is emotionally draining, can be expensive many different ways, and others around you seem to have NO problems at all getting pregnant because no one talks about it if they do. It is more acceptable to talk about the Ooops pregnancy, which often makes things harder for those experiencing infertility.

Infertility is not a dinner conversation, unless you are at our house or are one of our friends. I thought I would put some lists out there about communication. What to say or not say, how to tell a friend that struggles with infertility that you are pregnant, and anything else that comes to mind in this process.

BTW, infertility is not a gossip topic and should not be treated as such. Some experience primary infertility (getting and staying pregnant for the first child), some experience secondary infertility (becoming pregnant again). Infertility is a private matter between a couple. Not the couple and the rest of the family. Not the couple and you. If the couple feels like sharing that experience, then treat it as if they were sharing something private and important, because it is.

Things Not To Say to Those Who Are Experiencing Infertility

The God Card
"I'm sure it will happen when God wants it to."
"You should probably pray harder."
"God probably wants you to learn a lesson."
"Maybe He is punishing you."

The Friend Card
"I had a friend who couldn't get pregnant because she was stressed. You should relax a little."
"A friend of mine adopted and two months later she became pregnant."

Readiness Card
"It will happen when you are ready."
"I think that it is great that you guys waited X years to have kids. You are probably more mature now."

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry Card
"You should enjoy not having kids. Kids make life harder."
"I wish I could sleep-in after a late night, but my 2 year old makes sure that I don't."
"All you need is a couple of glasses of wine."

The Interrogator Card
"Why don't you __________________?"
"Why don't you have kids yet?"
"Are you going to ever have kids?"

What CAN you say . . . when you know that a friend is struggling with infertility, in my experience, it is helpful to just put it out there that you want to be a support and that you want the couple to know that you are available. Don't expect them to take you up on the help, don't expect accolades for offering it up, don't expect them to share all the details of what they are going through, and be prepared to anty-up the support if they ask for it. And, don't plan their life for them.

I am having some difficulty in being more expressive about that last point, "plan their life for them." Here is an example: I have a hard time counting out the weeks and figuring out when my next baby "could arrive" . . . I've lived through too many unfulfilled "birth days" to feel comfortable doing that . . . and there is something that I dance around, HOPE. Hope is like a fleeting, flickering light that seems allusive but I know it is necessary. Why is hope hard? Because disappointment can be heartbreaking.

RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

Chills and Thrills

Sheila:
My Chill-Everett is sick. And the Prelude is dead.
My Thrill-I was able to visit a REAL live school with real LIVE children for work. I really enjoyed being back in a school around all those kids. I do miss teaching.

Everett:
I'm sick.

Erik:
My Chill-Everett is sick.
My Thrill-I feel like I am making some headway in finding a position in Austin or Dallas. I guess it is always "slow" until it is done and then it feels like it went super fast.

The Sjolseth's TV

When we get to sit back and relax, we choose from the following:

Psych--Because it is funny

Monk--Because Erik is Monkish

CSI (Sheila likes CSI:NY best out of all three.)--Because Sheila is going to be a Medical Examiner in her next life and she is trying to learn all she can now

Bones--Ditto, and because Erik likes to call out when he recognizes places in the show (the shows are based in DC)

The Office--Because it is funny and we have to find out if Michael ever gets his house with a picket fence and children laughing and playing . . .

Without a Trace--Because it is predictable but not as predictable as Law and Order (predictable means we solve it and get it right)

Cold Case--Because we like the "resolution" scenes at the very end

Extreme Home Makeover--Because it makes Erik cry

And, shows that are long past gone that we wished were still around:

Sheila's Pick: Knight Rider (They say it will be back . . . will it be the same if they don't get Hasselhoff?), Misfits of Science (It was on on Friday nights when I was in 5th grade and it didn't even last a whole season. sigh)

Erik's Pick: Different Strokes . . . that Arnold is so cute. "What you talkin'n about, Willis?"

A Bit Behind Note: We watch TV on the computer--it records the shows we select. I am sure this will continue to work until Everett has an interest in the TV and wants to have friends over to watch movies. Then we'll probably have to upgrade our family TV which is 11 years old. We figure we have at least 6 more years until then . . .