Chills and Thrills

In all, it was a busy week. Aunt Debbie's Baby Party went well. The games, food, and hostesses--awesome! We LOVED having the cousins come to visit, and Sheila especially appreciated visiting with her sisters and parents. We enjoyed celebrating Riley's birthday on Saturday!

We are now cable free. Took the help of two tech savvy friends. And, the installation of an antennae in our attic and some new technology (bye, bye 1996 TV)--we are cancelling cable this week. We've actually not used it for over a month now. And, we need it no more. And, I can record the beloved Dinosaur Train for whenever we want to watch it. "Waahooo-we love to chew!"

Merritt has added the word "ball" to his list that includes: hi, bye-bye, night-night, dada, sorry (oowwyy), momma, baby, Evy (ewwyy), and no (nununu). He is great at playing ball and is the best dancer in the house.

Evy, thankfully, has been able to take his new medication with relative ease! This was quite a worry because it is an acid . . . not very tasty (and no one in our town carried the medication . . . less than 1% of his peer population has the type of problem that he has). And, the pharmacy promised to keep the medication in stock for him.

We've had our share of medical bills lately, and they continue to stack up. Merritt went to an acute care facility on Sunday and the ER on Monday. He is finally pulling out of the fever from his ear infection, upper respiratory infection, and wheezing. We are back on the nebulizer every four hours, and he will not tolerate his steroid. (In fact, Erik is cleaning up the vomit from tonight's medicine right now.) Not sure what we will do 'cause none of our usual tricks worked. But, at least tonight his breathing wasn't as labored as the previous two nights.

(Grandma Albritton---We LOVE the new stethoscope!)

Erik is braving a back injury and a touch of some cold. We (insert "Sheila") are looking forward to cheerful Erik making a comeback. We (insert "Sheila") may not laugh at every joke, but he always lifts our spirits.

Sheila is busy with her calling and the boys. They had some great playdates last week with boys the same age as Everett. With Merritt's recent sickness, Sheila is trying to not fall into a desperate hysteria at the end of each day---and is doing so with marginal (ah-hem) success.

State of the Neurons

*Neurons (c) IMB Labs

Today was the neurological follow-up to Evy's testing. The doctor started the conversation off by reviewing what I had told him about Evy's seizures and "neuro-ticks." Didn't seem like the kind of thing to do if the tests showed all clear.

The MRI was fine. There were no physical abnormalities on the MRI that would explain what happened or is happening. No signs of an aneurysm or a brain tumor. The EEG, however, did show seizure activity. In all, we have come to the conclusion that Evy experiences generalized seizures, specifically absence seizures. It isn't a clear science particularly in someone as young as Evy. We will start him on medication today.

Hopefully, since his brain is so young, preventing the seizures will allow the brain to, in a sense, heal and prevent the need for lifelong use of anti-seizure medication. Or, the condition is heredity and he may grow out of it. At this time, he'll be on medication, twice a day, for two years. The medication does have side-effects. So, we'll be going in for a blood test in three weeks and then routinely go in for a blood test every three months.

If all has been posited correctly, he should fall less and not have any "illness" related seizures while he is on his medication. (One of my concerns has always been how much he falls when he is running, standing still, whenever. For awhile I just attributed it to clumsiness and his delay in motor skills. Now, his falling makes more sense.)

And, we have determined that he never had febrile seizures. It is more likely that Everett has been experiencing this generalized seizure disorder since at least a year old and those febrile seizures were grand mal seizures triggered by illness or fatigue.

We are grateful. Evy, despite being premature, has had relatively few long-term issues. He is bright, cheerful, inquisitive, and ever sensitive to others.

In the elevator going to the doctor, another couple stepped into the car with us, and Evy slid over to Merritt's stroller, stroked Merritt's head, and said,"Don't worry, I'll protect you." He is a sweet boy.

Cool Stuff . . . for the wiggly wittle one

Merritt is a mover and a groover. When he plays he roams the rooms, the house, climbing and emptying everything in his way.

When he is in a grocery cart, his curiosity and propensity to move aren't hindered at all by that strap that comes with the wheeled vehicle no matter how tight I pull it. And, he can stand within seconds . . . and get himself into trouble.

Each time we went out and used the grocery cart, I ended up continuously restrapping him in after he maneuvered himself to the surfing position again, and again, and again. You know the position . . . where he is standing facing away from me with his hands gripped firmly on the cart squealing with delight as if I was moving fast enough for wind to rush through his hair.

A couple of months ago, in that place of many embarrassing mommy moments, the grocery store, he stood up-turned around-and jumped for a flip all in the moment it took for me to look at a label and back . . . split second timing. Thankfully, that inadequate strap was adequate enough to hold him from flipping completely over (I was lucky he didn't step out of the strap before jumping). He was upside down with "grill" marks across his face. In all, no permanent damage. Some blood (and, yes, I am going to start his dental savings account any day now), some hysterics, and lots of concerned looks from passerbyers.

That day I went home to find a harness. One that would keep him safely inside the confines of the sitting area so he wouldn't flip over and "grill" his face again.

I decided on the "baby sit-tight"--and, no, the "I'm wearing overalls" look isn't quite what I would have gone for in the baby couture . . . but it keeps him safe. The straps that go over his shoulders prevent him from standing up (and the straps are adjustable). It is pretty compact and fits right in with even my smallest bag that I use with the boys. After using it for awhile now, I consider it one of the best purchases I've made for him.

Even better, he doesn't mind it all . . . and probably would like it if I brought his cowboy hat to complete the look.

I love me a good football movie . . .

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. [by jack handy in case you couldn't tell]

How often do we really put "important" in the proper place with "urgent" . . . How often do we respond only because we are the ant . . . How often do we put energy into something that, on the surface, has no tie to us but is solely for someone else . . . How often do we put ourselves before others, before others' children?

When Evy was a young toddler, he was placing books in the book return box at the library. A lady rushed in, shoved Evy aside to put her books in while breathily saying,"sorry," and then ran further into the library. Do we do that . . . okay, not literally shove a kid, but do we overlook children? I am sure the lady would have been appalled if she had really thought about what she was doing.

I've been thinking quite a bit about stewardship recently. The stewardship of children.

Several weeks ago, I spent hours trying to figure out how to present the needs of children who are at-risk to a group that, at best, probably gives the topic a passing thought, when forced to. The group members aren't callous . . . but, in reality, they probably don't think they come across a child who is "at-risk" on a daily basis. So, why should they care about what I have to say?

Why do I care about what I have to say?

I ended up presenting it as a leadership issue. Those children that are at-risk eventually become adults and the behaviours, attitudes, and habits that developed through their childhood are part of who they are and how they function. As leaders, we work with adults who were children that were at-risk. That kind of strategy.

After presenting, I am not sure it was the right way to present it. I know of at least one person in the group that refused to embrace the idea that we should hold ourselves responsible as leaders to meet those we lead where they are and find ways to support them for success.

I think quite a bit about my role as a mother in my home and what responsibilities I have to children outside my home. What can I do on a daily or weekly basis to be a help, a support, a whirl of energy for improvement rather than a blind eye? On the days when I am grateful for just a chance to use the bathroom by myself, I would say that I have no idea how to accomplish all that and make sure the kids don't eat cookies for dinner (though I think Erik would be okay with that one).

As I push ideas around in my head, squashing some . . . making room for others . . . colliding those that seem to maybe work together, I am sure I'll figure out whatever this is that is motivating me to think about the stewardship of children. The responsibility to them that we all have as adults. To be mentors. To be supports. To be providers. To be teachers. To be examples. To provide love. To provide consequences. To provide safety. To give them space to make mistakes.

I love me a good motivating sports movie . . . especially if it revolves around football (Rudy being my favorite). I recently saw the movie The Blind Side. It might rank right up there with my Rudy. To me, this movie was all about the stewardship of children.

As I endeavor to find ways to teach my children about Christ and about right and wrong all while we change diapers, laugh, get on each others' nerves, and fight with the cable company, I don't want to let the urgent cloud what is important . . . I want to harness this motivation to do something to better embrace fulfilling the stewardship of children and do it alongside my children. I lack the eloquence to fully phrase my meaning here. But, fragmentally phrased, we need to honor the stewardship of all children . . . it is our responsibility as adults.

And so, I have no grand resolutions. I have no huge project to do this. I just have to continue to keep it uppermost and try to do it every day.

Chills and Thrills

At some point, I will post pictures . . . until then, know that we are smashingly handsome and dazzlingly beautiful!

I've been reading a new "digital" project for a couple of weeks now and deem it worthy to share. If you are interested in the role of women and how other women fulfill their own paths, I'd suggest taking a look: www.mormonwomen.com

This past week we had a great time gearing up for our Valentine Party, which we had last Sunday, a visit from Grandma Powell, and taking care of the day to day business.

We invited over several friends for a Valentine dinner, made Valentines to share in preparation (which included our yearly "recycle crayon bits" project in making new crayons in the shape of hearts), and enjoyed good health this past week. Sheila made a pavlova, a dessert named after Russian Anna Pavlova, for the first time, and it was HUGE. Much bigger than she expected. (She also made a lemon tart which ended up being more of her favorite.)

Merritt is on fire walking everywhere and climbing everywhere else. Evy is doing just fine.

Erik and Sheila went to a movie for the first time in ages. Excellent time! There is an Indian restaurant in our little town now . . . yippee!

Last week we had over 10 inches of snow. Everett loved it and enjoyed going sledding (on the golfcourse) for the first time. And, just as a perfect experience with snow goes, it is already gone! No grey or yellow snow around here.

We visited with Grandma Powell for several days. Evy and his grandma played "sword fights" and made chocolate covered pretzels (with sprinkles) together. Merritt was charming, as always.

This coming week we are preparing for Aunt Debbie's Baby Party and excited to visit with cousins!

Chills and Thrills

The past several weeks have been busy but good.

We are awaiting the appointment with the neurologist.

In the meantime, we've been able to visit with friends and family here and in Waco. Sheila presented at McClennan Community College. Erik has been working really hard.

In all, we've been relatively healthy and appreciate all our blessings.

Evy has taken to being an ice hockey player. He has a special whistle that he devised . . . he sticks his finger in his mouth, purses his lips and then screams a "whistle." He uses it to start races, get Merritt's attention, and for everyday revelry. He knows how to turn his socks so that they are "swippery" and he can "skate on the ice." Yesterday he told me that his buddies wanted him to go skating with them. I said okay and he proceeded to skate along the hardwood floors.

Merritt is everywhere. He is the cutest one baby demo machine ever. He can now climb up the drawers in the kitchen . . . I am just waiting for him to discover the countertops. He is daily analyzing doorknobs and refuses to drink milk.

This week we have family visiting and a Valentine Party planned.

"I want PIZZA!" screams Evy

We are back from the MRI. All went well with the anesthesia and the staff was wonderful.

Evy is exhausted and is a cranky drunk. I am exhausted. I totally underestimate the stress I experience with each of these procedures. Something about leaving my little boy in the hands of strangers to be put in an artificially induced sleep kind of exhausts me. Then there is the "they are taking longer than they said they would, a lot longer, does that mean something . . . ." Sort of how you are when you apply to college and you get a reply . . . and you anxiously wonder as you walk into the house: is a skinny envelope good or bad? Illogical or not, there it is.

And, Merritt's godmother sends me a link that sends bells going through my head. It helped me with the vocabulary needed to describe what Everett experiences. When he was initially diagnosed with febrile seizures, the doctor basically said "it'll be okay, nothing to worry about for the long term." So, what I focused on was febrile seizures. I didn't try to build a knowledge about epilepsy. I wish I had. I am not saying he has epilepsy, but knowing more about the larger realm of seizures would have made me a better advocate for him.

So, if your child has febrile seizures, take a look at this link and be sensitive to what your child experiences: Types of Seizures

And, Evy just screamed in with, "Where's Merritt?!?" (For the record, a very nice friend offered to watch him longer since Everett is a cranky drunk right now.) Even while Cranky Drunk Evy, Evy thinks about his brother. What a nice boy!

Wanted: A House for 50 Cents

Keeping Everett up until midnight proved harder than I thought. He watched movies and played with us . . . but we eventually resorted to chocolate to keep him up and interested. And, of course we all shared on the goods.

Everett did a marvelous job putting up with the irritations of the EEG! He laid so still while the wires and sticky stuff were placed on his head. He weathered the itchiness of the hospital bed very well and was asleep within ten minutes. Since then, he has been really tired and a tad cranky. But, we don't blame him.

On Tuesday, when we loaded into the car for our long ride to the doctor, I gave him a "magic bag." In the bag was the Chosen Blanket, pjs if he wanted to change for his "nap at the doctor's," magic gloves that he could put on his hands if the wires were bothering him and he wanted to scratch, and 2 surprises.

The first surprise was gum--which he loves for the whole 30 seconds he chews each new piece. The second surprise was a bag of yogurt balls, which I thought he liked. Which he didn't think was the second surprise as he looked at the bag, tossed it aside, and kept digging for the other surprise. "No, this is not the surprise, Mommy."

In an attempt to keep positive vibes going, Erik and I scrounged through the nooks and crannies of the front of the car and I slipped two quarters into his bag.

"MONEY!!!" he screamed when he found the quarters. And, since then, those quarters have been a precious commodity. He pocketed them confidently to take with him into the doctor. He made sure they were in a safe place while he slept . . . and now he plans to spend them.

"I have money. I buy a house?" he asks because he knows that Daddy goes to work so we can have money to pay for our house.

So, anyone know of a house for 50 cents? Evy is interested.

Next stop, MRI with sedation.

EEG tomorrow

Friday was Everett's neurology consult. The doctor was just as concerned as I was about his seizure a couple of weeks ago. Good, in a sense, because it means I wasn't totally overreacting and being sensitive. Bad, well-you know, who wants their child to have something weird enough to warrant a doctor's concern. The result, a quick scheduling of an EEG and MRI. yuck.

(He was amazed at the size of Everett's head. We've already established that big heads run on my side of the family, but it is still a bit comical to see the looks on their faces when they measure him.)

Finding his doctor was a huge hurdle. I miss the options that the DC area has for medical care. I now understand better why people travel hours to find a doctor that is right for them. We were initially scheduled with a 5 doctor staffed pediatric neurology practice not far from our house. But, I never really talked to a person. They emailed me my appointment which was 6 weeks away from the time I called for an appointment. There were TEN attachments to the email . . . and not one mentioned their concern for quality care for my son. They were adamant about an EEG BEFORE meeting the doctor. I was able to ask the doctor if we could delay the EEG until after she, uh, had seen my son. In the end, I felt like Everett's care was second to their punitive policies and crazy scheduling staff that lied to us several times.

So, I went with a doctor that has a home base in Sherman (30 minutes away). He is in my town twice a week. He is the only pediatric neurologist in their practice. But, he LISTENS and he was great with Everett and he was very thorough in answering my questions.

I learned that the "ticks" that Everett had in the past were more serious than his previous pediatric neurologist had considered them. I learned about the potential harm that successive seizures have on the brain even febrile seizures. I learned about how early medication now can prevent a longterm dependency on antiseizure medication. Yes, I've read quite a bit on seizures, but nothing is like a 20 minute conversation with a very thorough medical practitioner who is answering questions related directly to your child.

Today I've been showing Everett images of the children getting an EEG through google images. He thinks that it is silly that he will take a nap at the doctor's office. We've picked out his kitty and his blanket that will help him.

We've been through both an MRI and EEG before . . . but Everett was much younger. The MRI was much easier than the EEG. This time there won't be any medication involved. Alle-freaking-luia!

Adoption and a Great Family

I am placing a new link on the blog. That in itself is not noteworthy. However--the link, the family it speaks about, and why is important to mention is noteworthy

Melanie and Trey Morgan have been our friends for a long time. We knew Melanie and Trey before it was Melanie AND Trey. Trey and Erik grew up together. Melanie and I were undergrads at UT . . . Melanie even helped with our wedding reception. They adopted their son Max as an infant a couple of years ago, and we were lucky to meet him when he was a wee baby. Currently, Trey and Melanie are actively pursuing adoption again.

Please take a look at their profile. We all know the of the power and importance of adoption. Melanie and Trey are spectacular people and parents.

Trey, Melanie, and Max Morgan

Chills and Thrills

Last week we had a great Family Home Evening hosted at our house. It was fun to be filled to the brim.

This weekend we had family over to visit. We went to the Tornadoes ice hockey game, which Everett loved. The cousins had a great time playing together and entertaining the rest of us.

Sheila is enjoying the fact that Merritt is back to better sleeping at night. The weather is warmer and she is loving that.

Everett's speech has just blown us all out of the water. In the past couple of weeks, he has grown so much and started to really, really, really talk. The current favorite . . . dinosaurs.

Merritt is all over the place. He is signing and starting to talk a bit. Nothing stands in his way if he wants something. He will literally bulldoze his way through the house, pushing furniture out of the way with his body, sometimes his head.

Erik is busy at work and with his calling.

The next couple of weeks will be especially busy. It keeps us honest and out of trouble.

A Debut of Sorts

There is this draw to the podium that Evy has had for a couple of months now. Whenever I was in the building setting up or counting this or that for the activity committee, he would want to step up to the podium in the primary room and address his invisible crowd.

Today he had a real crowd with a mircophone that was ON. Poised with the rest of his sunbeam class on the front row, he went for it. Four times, no more no less--as reported by his primary leaders, Evy took the podium (evidently he waited for the gentlemanly long pause between podium users). And, what did he say, what wisdom did he impart to his peers--only a language they could understand because he spoke total jibberish all four times. (he does this sometimes when his mother's native tongue of English fails to fully encapsulate what he is trying to say in that important moment).

The leaders reported that they thought it was riotously funny. So they must have understood him on some level.

Beating the Cold--Baking Style

My house is awesomely cold. Probably not an issue in a regular winter, but it is during this one. They just don't make homes in Texas to withstand cold weather. I am colder here in my home built in the 90s than I was in my townhome in the DC area built in the 70s.

I had a terribly hard time with some dough this afternoon; it would just not rise. I tried to start it early enough to shape it for cinnamon rolls to allow them to rise a second time in the fridge for a party tomorrow. But, it was too cold for the dough to work.

After 4 hours of nonrising, I put a heating pad above and below the bowl, and it is working beautifully! And, so I go out on the internet and other people do the same thing like on a regular basis. Who knew? It is working so nicely, I think I'll do it from here on out.

Whining to Win

Both kids are sick and I have a headache. Evy talks about headaches a lot these days . . . I don't know if it is because he has headaches or the fact that both his dad and I have been carrying around the affliction quite a bit. So far, Evy has decided that vitamins help with headaches.

Merritt, clothed in pajamas, turtleneck, sweatpants, and socks, is in that awful transition from two naps a day to one nap a day. I seem to never judge what kind of day he is having correctly and invariably have to listen to heartstoppingkillercrying interspersed with babble as he figures out what he needs as well. I am always so glad when the transition is over. More time to play and go on field trips.

Everett, clad in rainbow striped rainboots, Lightning McQueen flannel pajamas, flannel shirt, and a runny nose is convinced that he just needs to carry around a roll of toilet paper to catch the nasal drips and use like 20 squares of the tissue for each nostril wipe. He has lost all sense of independent play. Is convinced that watching shows is the only way to help his malady. Even cars and books are just not of interest right now.

I'm in fleece pajamas, cosy long socks, and a flannel shirt. I suppose I should shower but I don't want to change anything because I am finally warm. But, I am thinking I should get me a pair of rainboots, too.

The next decision . . . do I succumb and go with Chicken Little or Hercules or drag a whining preschooler through some activities?

Chills and Thrills

We enjoyed ourselves over the Christmas and New Year holidays. Erik was off, and we visited museums, completed some odds and ends around the house, and enjoyed playing with the boys.

Winters in Texas are typically mild, except for right now. It is downright cold!

Merritt is leaving babyhood behind. He is walking more and more. He is signing "more/all done/night-night" and adding words to those as well. He loves his Daddy and playing with his brother. You better watch what you eat around him because he wants a little of everything he sees.

Everett went to Primary as a Sunbeam for the first time on Sunday. He is growing up to be such a sweet boy. We talked about this transition from nursery to a "class" for several weeks. He thinks that they should still have toys in class, but overall, he says that he liked Primary. We've struggled in finding a good pediatric neurologist for him . . . I miss the medical care in the DC area.

Erik is busy at work and being a good dad. He is also busy with helping others find jobs. He always takes time to help around the house.

Sheila is balancing motherhood with house-elf duties and some community college courses related to financial management. She is also preparing to lecture at a community college at the end of the month on education and at-risk students.

We recently had some old friends over for a couple of days, and we had a great time playing with their son Max and just chatting up a storm.

We do have pictures. Someday I'll get a chance to post them.

Gratitude

We are grateful for our green-eyed and blue-eyed little boys. We are grateful for their quick laughter, unending desire for tickle fights and chases, and love for pasta. In our house, mac-in-cheese is known as "Dad's pasta." He gets requests for it quite often.

We are grateful for the blessings of opportunities. We are grateful for our educations and for the friends and colleagues we have made along the way. We are grateful for the freedom to study and pursue the topics of our choice. We are grateful for employment--for the resources it brings and for the benefits of hardwork.

We are grateful for God, for the gospel of Jesus Christ, and for the knowledge of the purpose of this life. We are grateful for forgiveness because, goodness knows, we aren't perfect.

We are grateful for service; it helps us forget about our petty and not so petty worries. We are grateful for prayer and inspiration; we have been amazed at how prayer and inspiration can give us the direction we need to give real aid to others. In the past six months that we have worked in helping people find work--we have been humbled to recognize connections that we wouldn't have recognized on our own.

We are grateful for supportive family. We are grateful for loving friends. We are grateful for those that listen first and delay judgement. We are grateful for the examples around us that teach us how to be better.

We are thankful for humor, chicken nuggets, good health, straws, leaf blowers, fun cards that come in the mail, Chikfila lemonade, Merritt's new grocery cart harness, our garage, cinnamon, and children's movies that are also entertaining for those over 12. We are grateful for our nightly dance parties--tonight featured Moby, Vanilla Ice, Bobby Brown, and Beastie Boys.

We are grateful to have one another.

Christmas 2009

We enjoyed a fun and peaceful Christmas this year. Last year we were in the throes of change. This year, we were surrounded by family, friends, and sweets.


As soon as I fix all of our electronic problems, we'll have pictures. Don't hold your breath.


A week ago, we had FHE with a couple of other families. Dinner was delicious, and we had a chance to reenact the birth of Christ. The host family had a box of outfits to match each of the roles from the angel, to Mary, and the shepherds. The box was a Christmas gift (complete with a camel hump for the family dog). What a great idea and we enjoyed using the outfits.


We spent the day before Christmas Eve driving around the Dallas area dropping off sweets. It started with Everett going to the door with Erik, knocking his special knock. But, pretty soon, Merritt made it known that HE wanted a turn going to the door with Dad. Pretty funny stuff as we see him assert himself at such a young age. We enjoyed seeing lights in the neighborhoods, and Merritt's response was always,"OOhhh, wwwoooowww!" as he pointed to the lights, his eyes wide. Can't get better than that!


Christmas Eve we lounged getting ready to host everyone on Christmas. We went to Grossology in a newer museum and found a version that was better for older kids. And, then it snowed and snowed and snowed.


We had a white Christmas. Good friend Connie and her friend came over on Christmas day along with Grandma, Poppa, Aunt Debbie, and Uncle Apple. It was fun to find out that our guest knew some of the people we stayed with when we were in Venezuela, like forever ago. A revisit with Ella Baila Sola. We thoroughly enjoyed the day (conquering the pumpkin shortage, rolling eyes at Sheila's failed "no fail rolls," and teaching the boys about Christmas).


Evy made name cards for the table . . . green stars with glitter. They were so cute. Sheila cooked the turkey this time, and it actually turned out great. The best sides of the meal were Poppa's cranberry salad and Aunt Debbie's Ambrosia salad.


We don't "do Santa" here . . . we talk about Baby Jesus and his birthday. We talk about the importance of Jesus Christ. We talk about showing love for others and what presents represent. Evy and Merritt enjoyed opening their gifts over the course of two days. We were all thrilled with the generosity of family and friends.


We had time to reflect on our blessings, the awesome opportunity that we have to be parents, and the incredible time we are having along our journeys.

Our Holiday Treats

Here are two of the recipes we used this holiday season . . .

Sugar n Spiced Nuts (from allrecipes.com)
3 egg whites
2 tablespoons water
3 cups walnut halves
2 cups pecan halves
1 cup whole unblanched almonds
2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons grated orange peel
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

In a mixing bowl, beat egg whites and water until frothy. Add nuts; stir gently to coat. Combine the remaining ingredients. Add to nut mixture and stir gently to coat. Spread into two greased 15-in. x 10-in. x 1-in. baking pans. Bake, uncovered, at 300 degrees F for 20-25 minutes or until lightly browned, stirring every 10 minutes. Cool. Store in an airtight container.

These smelled heavenly . . . some parts were a bit sticky after baking. I just let them set out the rest of the day and overnight. No stickiness in the morning. I only used pecans, pistachios, and almonds cause I don't like walnuts . . . but after tasting this, I do think that the walnuts would add another nice dimension.

Orange Cranberry Drops (from allrecipes.com)
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 egg
3 tablespoons orange juice
1/2 teaspoon orange extract
1 teaspoon grated orange zest
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup dried cranberries

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F(190 degrees C). Lightly grease cookie sheets, or line with parchment paper.

In a medium bowl, cream together the white sugar, brown sugar, and butter. Stir in the egg, orange juice, orange extract, and orange zest. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; mix into the orange mixture. Stir in the dried cranberries.

Drop cookie dough by heaping teaspoonfuls, 2 inches apart, on the prepared cookie sheets.

Bake for 10 to 12 minutes, or until edges are starting to brown. Cool on baking sheets for 5 minutes, then remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

Only made about 20 cookies, not 36. I didn't use the orange extract, I just added more orange zest and a little more juice (but not very much).

Drama During Dinner

Two of my sisters and my parents came over for dinner. I had a lovely time hanging with Deborah as she slaved over sugar cookies. I enjoyed seeing Jennifer and her family. It was sweet of my parents to come over given all that is going on right now.

We were all sitting down to eat, the children had food, the adults were about to chew, and Everett had a seizure. (insert frustration)

The poor kid. There isn't any clear indication right now of what caused it. We think it was a febrile seizure, but it was a rather weird one. Clouding all this is just weirdness of his reaction and the fact that he had a bloody nose earlier in the day. Poor guy.

After speaking with the pediatrician on call, we agonized about the right thing to do (ER, acute care facility, pediatrician tomorrow, etc). And then he become really sick. We kept him home for the evening and are going to look for a neurologist tomorrow who can hopefully see him before the holidays.

I thought we had left those seizures behind since it has been over a year since he has had a full-blown seizure. Hopefully, it is just that . . . a febrile seizure.

At the end of the experience when Everett was finally coherent . . . he said,"my tummy ache is awake." He didn't finish his dinner because he seized in the middle of eating. I asked him if he was hungry, and he said he wanted,"Dad's chips." Dad's chips are, as we discovered, the chips that Erik gets when we go to Jason's Deli.

We love that little boy!

Fertility Quest . . . a mini-Post on Things I Don't Do

Those new to my ramblings on being infertile can click on the right for more gory details about our process to get pregnant with Merritt. Infertility has been my struggle. A couple items have been on my mind a bit . . . so, I'll blog here and there about them as time permits. I share these posts as a voice to create understanding, as a voice to share with those who also struggle with infertility, and as a way to create meaning for myself.

I've been surrounded by lots of babies recently which makes me a lucky lady. Small itty bitty little ones with perfect fingers and toes. Quiet sighs and downy, soft skin.

What comes with the expectation of and arrival of those little beings are the conversations around babies. Those conversations don't bother me anymore. But, I don't really have much to say in a couple of them; I just listen. It may be because I just don't understand what it is like to not struggle in getting pregnant. It may be because I still try to be ruthlessly honest with myself about future babies because I already lived through the "hopeful" years that were really disappointing.

I don't get it when other ladies say that they are "baby hungry" as they are eager to hold babies and talk about babies and express hope and plan for a next baby. I don't get it, I think, because I don't allow myself to get baby hungry. You'll never find me saying with excitement, "OH, I want another one." I don't have the flexibility to say to my husband . . . you know, I think it is time to try again, would you like a Christmas baby next? or say casually, I think it is time for another, let's start tonight!

Nope, our process is one that, as a start, involves physical concerns like can I handle the IVF process again, do we think I'll handle carrying the baby to term, then we get to financial and insurance concerns, and then the selection of a local doctor and I'll need to fly to DC for the embryo transfer and etc, etc. Or, as a matter of prayer, are we prompted to reignite our adoption process? I can't seem to frame the matter simply.

I guess it is just a little more complicated with me, go figure.

I don't try to think too far ahead in the "family composition" arena. Kind of hard for me because I am a planner. But, I have learned and am relearning all the time to be flexible with things I have no control over. So, I don't hope to have another boy or "a girl now" or twins or enough kids to perform four part harmony choral pieces. I don't know if we are meant to add other children to our family. I try not to think about it; I simply seek to be content with what I have in the "right here and right now."

I do employ lots of tolerance when a lack of understanding prompts comments that would have taken me a bit to swallow in the past. I employ ignoring tons, too. I am learning from the perspective that doesn't struggle with infertility.

I am very frank when I talk about my struggle with infertility. I talk to men and women alike; some, I am sure, may think "too much info, lady"--but, when you bring it up, you've got to be prepared to hear about it all. And, the reason I am frank is I have heard over and over . . . "you know my (insert relationship) . . . sister-in-law struggles with getting pregnant and I want to be a support but am too afraid to talk to her. I had no idea about (insert any number of misconstrued pieces of information about infertility) . . . ."

I do understand a desire to have children and sometimes allow a "maybe" hope of more children. I have been blessed to have my own two little miracle baby boys. I cherish every moment I have with them and remind myself that I can put up with the incessant, "But Why?" questioning because that little boy innocence will not be around forever.

One more thing presses on my mind this evening (12:38 in the morning rather) . . . those that struggle with the isolation that comes with experiencing and living with infertility (I do have one friend in mind, specifically, that I worry about) . . . I hope you find the answers you are looking for, I hope you find a community of commonality that brings you comfort, I hope that you know that there are those that understand and there are those that are eager to understand, and I hope you find peace in the process of your own endeavor to become a parent(s).