Okay, the past 24-36-48 hours have been really hard. Erik is traveling. We've had vomit, bleeding, more vomit, insomniac babies, etc, etc.
I've been thinking during all of it that it was almost comical how each instance overlapped another. I thought about how the more experienced parents would hear about it and either roll their eyes because this is nothing compared to what they've experienced or they would sigh in commiseration, thanking the stars that they've been there and done that and it is done.
And, then I saw on Dateline a short segment highlighting personal experiences with eviction. One clip in particular drove me to be not comedic about the last 24-36-48 hours, but grateful.
A father was evicted. Devastated. It seemed like the circumstances were partly due to a car accident he had. In any regard, what struck me was he didn't know what to say to his little girl. All he could say to the reporter is,"I'm a loser. I'm just a loser." I almost bawled. He really isn't any different than I am. Calamity can strike each of us equally. Bad stuff happens to everyone, even good people.
In one clip his little girl came over to hug her dad, I think, to try and calm him, love him. It just made him cry harder because of the guilt. Seeing that, she backed away, probably not knowing that it was because he loved her that he started to cry harder.
So, I'll be grateful that I had a chance to wipe vomit from a hysterical toddler's face while trying to breastfeed an equally hysterical (but famished) newborn as I sat on our toilet wondering how and if I should isolate the toddler from the newborn (whaaa? how? one of me, two of them, we all have to just be together) and almost successfully visualizing coming out of this without throwing up myself.
I am not in a situation where I have to explain anything like that to my sons. I am able to sit on my own toilet whether breastfeeding or trying not to vomit while trying give the toddler a bath. I don't worry about officers barging into my home and throwing my possessions out on the lawn.
Kind of makes me want to go clean that toilet because it is all mine. Kind of. kind of. Maybe that can wait until tomorrow? Because, I am grateful for it dirty or clean.
