On November 18th, I woke up wondering if my water had broken, in short, I felt like I had a leak. I obsessed about it for about 2 hours before I called and set an appointment to see the doctor. At the doctor's visit, I found that I had dilated to a 3 (had been 1 cm for several weeks). He predicted that I would give birth within the next week considering how quickly I went from a 1 cm to a 3 cm. He explained that with term babies, there would more than likely be a gush when my water broke.
I had an especially hard time walking and moving the rest of the day. Though I followed through on getting everything arranged if the baby were to come soon, I had doubts that I would deliver in the next week. I really thought that I would just be insanely uncomfortable for the next 3 weeks.
That night we went to the mall so that all of us could get out of the house and burn some energy. I was so slow going and mostly just stood and watched Everett and Erik lap the stores.
Throughout the night I had horrible contractions, and being physically tired and just tired of timing the contractions, I just let them come thinking that they weren't doing much. At 5:35 in the morning, the gush happened and woke me up. My water had broken. It Was Time!
I woke up Erik, he called Everett's caretakers, and I calmly walked through the house grabbing the couple of things that we hadn't packed. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. I had contractions that were horrible, but none of them were patterning. I was excited about the time of day that it happened--our caretakers could come over with minimal interruption of their workday and Erik and I could get to the hospital without waiting through rush hour.
When I was gathering my things, I heard Everett calling out my name. WHAT? We weren't loud, but he must have known something was up. He had removed his zippered footsie pajamas and was ready to GET UP! Meg and Aaron took over as soon as they arrived and we were on our way.
On the drive over, the contractions patterned to 3 minutes apart. Yes, THREE. I couldn't believe it. Erik drove as fast as he could muster (yeah, that is pretty fast) with the hazards on warning others that we were going to get around them one way or another.
By 6:30 I was in triage in Labor and Delivery and needed the epidural RIGHT then. No go, gotta get pumped full of fluid first. I tried not to scream at them and overreact thinking if I did that it wouldn't matter since lots of women may overreact in that room, but I felt so much pressure and the contractions were one on top of another. No breaks between. Even when I had Everett, there was a break between contractions while I was pushing.
The nurse checked me, I was 4 cm. I don't think she realized how much pressure I was feeling. After 20 minutes, we were wheeled to the delivery room. As soon as I saw my nurse, I said that I needed to push now. And not like the "I need to push, can I?" But the "I NEED TO PUSH AND CAN'T STOP MY BODY FROM PUSHING!!!"---where was the epidural. She called for it, checked me, looked at me, and said,"you are fully dilated."
Fully dilated . . . that means it is time to push . . . that means no epidural.
There are many things that I would like to experience and many things I don't want to experience. I considered pain management during delivery one of those instances where I could choose what I wanted to experience. I didn't want to experience an epidural-free delivery. I had put up with horrid contractions for a good part of the pregnancy and wanted to be free of paralyzing pain to see my baby born. (I like to watch it happen with a mirror they set up. So amazing.) Once I realized it that wasn't an option anymore, I wanted to get it DONE.
The nurse contacted the doctor on call and happened to walk into her in the hall. She was leisurely walking in to check on me because as far as she knew I was only 4 cm.
She saw my face, realized the situation, asked if I had an epidural with Everett, and wanted to give me the choice. I knew that there would be no waiting. This baby was coming now. All I could do was manage to choke out,"DONE," between clenched teeth.
I don't know how long I pushed. I do remember that I did all I could to push my baby out and just tried to focus on that blocking out the pain---finishing this so that the pain would stop and I could enjoy the rest of the experience. I remember that I had my eyes closed the entire time and they had to say,"Open your eyes, HE is here!"
What a miracle! My baby was here!
8 pounds, 8 ounces
21 and 3/4 inches long
He entered the world at 8:05 am on November 19th.



Merritt was here. I got to hold him for ages after I delivered. I was able to feed him shortly after delivery. I didn't have to give him up until I was ready for Merritt to get his bath. MY Choice. My baby. No NICU. NO giving up my baby. It was great.
Erik didn't fare as well as I did for a portion of the delivery. He broke out in the hot sweats and the doctor ordered him to sit down until he felt better. BTW, those people that say that you heal faster if you didn't have an epidural are LIARS.Later that day, Everett visited the hospital. He and Erik were on their way to a special dinner and came to meet Merritt first. Everett brought a present for Merritt. Merritt had a present for Everett.
The first thing Everett said when he gangbusted into the hospital room was "BABY!!!" He was so excited to meet baby and see momma. What a precious boy.






Going HomeWe stayed a couple of days so that they could watch Merritt's bili levels. Though we ended up going back and admitting Merritt to the hospital the next day, we were excited to go home, get Everett, and start building our new life together.
Oddly, getting out of the hospital turned out to be the most stressful of all the interactions we had with hospital staff. The volunteers got lost. In their own hospital. Wouldn't listen to Erik tell them they were lost. I was pushed around and roughed over construction areas, huge Bumps, countless elevators, and was ready to get out of my circa 1950s wheelchair and walk a mile just to get to the car on my own. We did make it. The two volunteers were sort of two halves make a whole . . . but not, bless their hearts.

Merritt is here. Merritt is at home. We are Thrilled.